Confusing...

Last monday I passed up my resign letter to my boss's sister...because I still in contract so she need to go back and discuss with my boss...
The other day,my boss's sister came with his boyfriend who is working in our company marketing department...he came and talk to me and ask me why i wanna resign...after the discussion with him,he show me a letter and writing that my company will revised my salary...when I received I'm shocked because my boss raised me RM500,she never raise a staff that much...so I decided to stay back here and to reject the desa park city beauty salon...
Before that I really confusing which one to choose,which one is better...but now since my boss raise me so much so I decided to stay here...finally I got the answer...

Why we must be like that??

I'm really sad because I lost a friend..a friend that can chat with me and share my problem with him..but if he want to be like that I will follow what he said..
We are good friend..when I not happy or sad I will share with with him..sometimes I argue with my boyfriend I don't know who I can chat with I will tell him what we happen..he will chat with me on phone till midnight..make me feel better..
But one day he told me he can't treat me as a normal friend because he likes me..I was shocked at that time and don't know what to do..I say we can be good friend just like nothing happen before..but he say I very selfish and I don't care his feeling because he can't treat me like last time how he treat me..the feeling is not same if keep on like that he will more suffer..
Is true i shouldn't be so selfish so we choose not to contact each other anymore..maybe give him sometimes he can forget about that...

Damn tired...

This few days I really feel very very tired and unhappy...when I'm trying to forget the thing,my mom keep on saying me choose to trust Ken and don't trust my sis...I really no idea to prove that who is lying and who is saying the truth...she didnt help me to think but still saying something not nice..

I really no idea I just keep on crying this few night..the question keep on appear in my mind...I'm so suffer and feel tired in this problem...I don't wan anyone don't like my bf espcially my family..after this thing happen they keep on saying what he not good...for me I really hope that I can have a prove that can let me settle everything...

Nobody I can chat with,nobody understand me...why this things will happen between my bf and my family...2 also the most important person in my life...who can teach me what to choose??

Sometimes I try to stop the tears come out...but I really not as strong as people think...I'm just a girl...maybe sometimes I need to act I'm strong but sometimes i also will become a normal girl...a girl that need somebody to protect...

Why?

Today my mom told me that my sis Evelyn tell her my bf Ken ask her to be his girlfriend for 1 day before...at the moment I was stunt and don't know how...just thinking is is a joke? She told me is real,some more she said Ken love another girl also when I was together with him...we always argue is because of her...

Before that my friend that working with the girl she told me before..that time I also ask before Ken but he say don't have this thing happen,because the girl is already got bf and he no love her before..but now my sis told me that he bring her go the girl shop before and said he love the girl before and wan to chase her...

Why suddenly I can't think about anything..I don't know who say is true or false...

Actually many times i already choose to trust Ken..but the same thing like keep on forcing me to suspect him..I really don't know what for my sis wan to lie me...

I suddenly think back last time he did many thing I also choose to trust him...just like last time in friendster he wrote a testi for a girl and wrote love ya and miss ya...after the argument I still choose to trust him..I really started to think am I choosing the right way? I very confuse and headache...when I thinking back all the thing I really very suffer..why keep on like that? Does ken really do that before? I hope and I wish the answers is not..but in another way I also trust my sis...how? What I suppose to do now?

I really very angry till I have nothing to say...really don't know what to say...now is my sis told me this not other people..why will like that? If this thing is real what I need to do?

Stubborn Dad

I don't know is it dad too stress or he very unhappy when he was working..because always he came back home,his mood and temper also not really good...he always very angry and keep on scolding us...maybe this is the way he release his unhappy and anger...but I really totally hate it..maybe for sometimes I still can accept it,but for him is not...he always like that..
And today he tell my younger sister to write a sign and stick on my bedroom door "NO GUYS ALLOW"...oh my god! What's wrong with him...i know his meaning is don't want let my boyfriend come in my bedroom..but I'm sharing room with 2 sister and what's wrong if my boyfriend come in? We are playing computer and chatting with my sisters..I really don't know what I'm do wrong..
He want I back earlier,ok I'm back...but why at home he also wan stop me to do anything? I feel I have no freedom...I don't want stay at home,I go out...he keep on ask my mom call me back...he wan me at home before he come back..is only 10pm something he say i always go out till very late..but what for if I stay at home?
Why don't he change a little bit? Just a little bit I also happy...can he become don't so easy get angry and always be happy at home? I just want him to be like that..you know,we all are very afraid to ask and chat our thing with him...if don't have my mom he won't know what we want and will not know what we happen...sometimes even 1 week I didn't talk with him before,even we stay in the same house,even he is my dad...
Sometimes he say 1 no people will say 2...so all my sisters very less to talk with him except my younger sister,she is the 1 can talk with my dad...maybe she still young and she can always make my dad smile...even my aunties and uncle also say him before but he still like that..why my dad so stubborn...if he can go out and have some drink with his friends I think he will not so stress...but I didn't see before he go out with friend except any company dinner or wedding...
I not really want to argue with my dad...I just try to tell him my feeling but he won't listen what I said...I really don't wan be like that...really don't hope...

How is the future of mine?

Sometimes I don't know I working here is it worth..but I really don't hope myself regret..because this is what I choose..
Is it I work at here is very free and make me very lazy to find other job outside? Maybe is the contract make me scare,scare to leave..or maybe is myself problem? I don't wan to go outside and try to accept another job?
I admit there is also a reason why I don't wan to go find another job..actually I also don't know what myself want to do..I really confuse about it..
I not really want to blame my parents for not paying me for study,I know they have no enough money to let me study any course..but i really hope they will support what I have done and what I choose..is not just always saying some annoying thing..
I know now i work is so little money and I no give them..but do they think of my way?
Not that saying they are not good enough..is just I wan them to care me or understand me more..not I don't want to give them money is i also not enough to use..
Say about money they always will said this is what I choose..why don't I choose some high salary job and all that kind of talking..
If i really got take the course now i won't working here and get low salary..
Who want to be like tat?? No one..
So i don't wan to let them know i work here is not good..although sometimes got any unhappy thing happen when i working i also don't hope to tell them..